


Negative One

by msinpinitu (Knaija)



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, Decisions, contract renewal, got this plot bunny about an hour ago, so it's probably bleurgh but still..., un-beta-ed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 12:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11989674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knaija/pseuds/msinpinitu
Summary: Sunggyu tried to be busy. He really did. But every few seconds, he’d find that he was, once again, staring down at his phone and expecting it to ring… vibrate… move! Do something. At a time like this, keeping away from each other was such a bad decision. He knew that now.[This is how I've chosen to believe the whole thing went down]





	Negative One

**Author's Note:**

> It's taken me two days to be able to think and I've come to the realiation that:  
> 1] I will continue to write Hogyu because that's my OTP and I can't let it go  
> 2] I doubt I'll ever be able to write Infinite without it's 7th member. So, Lee Howon will continue to be there. If his presense vexes anyone, I'm sorry in advance because he's Mr. Number One for me.  
> 3] I wish all Inspirits a good time and I hope that none of us are taking this too hard. It will get better and Howon will be fine. Infinite will be fine. Months... years from now, the wound won't heal but it won't hurt as much as it does right now :)
> 
> So... back to the story

Sunggyu tried to be busy. He really did. But every few seconds, he’d find that he was, once again, staring down at his phone and expecting it to ring… vibrate… move! Do something. At a time like this, keeping away from each other was such a bad decision. He knew that now.

But he had to remember the times they’d sat together. The days they’d spent speaking in theory as if this day would never actually come. Whenever he thought he’d made the wrong choice, Sunggyu had to remind himself: this was for the best. It had to be this way.

Seven years was a long time to base someone’s happiness on a collective decision.

Which was why they all had to do this on their own. He wasn’t going to push anyone. He wasn’t going to convince and cajole and hope that they all followed his way. Infinite had survived even years, another seven was another matter.

 _Except when you were promising the fans forever, eh?_ Sunggyu heard a voice in his head say as he sighed and turned to the wall. He couldn’t take any more of this. He couldn’t take not knowing.

Sunggyu grabbed his phone just as it began to ring and he nearly dropped it from shock.

“Hello.” He said, breathlessly.

“Everyone came to the building to sign.” His manager said as Sunggyu sighed.

“What about Soo and Howon?”

“I don’t know. They’re not in town. Gimme a minute.”

The line went dead.

Sunggyu couldn’t imagine his life without Infinite. More than that, he couldn’t imagine Infinite without any of the members: Dongwoo, Woohyun, Howon, Sungyeol, Myungsoo and Sungjong. They were bound together by a contract but even something so rigid and severe had emotional side effects. It caused a bond between people -between them- that Sunggyu wasn’t ready to let go of. Not yet.

That was his position. But he’d refrained from saying so when the members had met up earlier in the year.

“What if it’s another seven years?” Woohyun had asked.

“If you guys are signing, I’m signing.” Dongwoo had said, draining his glass and reaching for the bottle at the centre of the table in Sungyeol’s apartment.

“You’ll sign another seven years?” Sungyeol asked not looking convinced.

“I’ll sign infinity.” Dongwoo said. “I love you guys.”

“I love you guys too, but our situation…?” Howon said, looking around at them as his question hung in the air. “It’s not the best.”

“It’s not like there’s better out there.” Myungsoo said, still hugging the bowl of popcorn, half an hour after it had been emptied.

“I don’t know. Maybe we haven’t given anything else a chance.” Howon said.

“Because we’ve seen what’s happened to other idols in other companies.” Sungjong said. “Woollim is full of crap but it’s the best crap there is right now.”

“Or we could leave and form out own company.” Woohyun said as the room went silent for a bit with each member deep in thought, considering the possibility of a complete breakaway.

“Nah!” Sungyeol said, breaking the moment.

“Yeah, if I’m leaving, it’s not to start my own company.” Howon said, a bottle twirling in his hand.

“Why are we even discussing leaving?” Myungsoo asked. “We’re all staying, right?”

Sunggyu startled when he realized they were all looking at him.

“What?” He asked his members.

“It’s Infinite.” Dongwoo said. “It’s Infinite forever, right?”

 _“Yes.”_ Sunggyu wanted to say. _“We’re nothing without Infinite.”_ He wanted to say. “It’s a personal choice.” Sunggyu heard his voice say. “We need to consider what’s good for ourselves. If it’s Infinite, then we sign as Infinite. On our own.”

He raised his glass to the room and waited as the members straightened up and stood with him.

Then they all clinked their drinks in agreement.

An unspoken agreement that Sunggyu was regretting. He should have put his foot down. He should have said they all had to sign. Because now, here he was, sitting in his home and afraid that his visual and one of his rappers had gone and made Infinite a five-idol group.

When his phone rang again, Sunggyu clicked before a second passed.

“What is it?”

“They sent back their contracts but they didn’t make it to the building.”

“And?” Sunggyu asked.

“Myungsoo signed. That’s another seven years.”

“And Howon?”

“His contract was blank. He’s officially no longer a member of Infinite.”

*********

Tired and stressed, Howon yawned as he climbed the steps up to his trailer on-set. He always hated the bed but at least, it was a better option than sleeping in a van or having to lob all the way to a hotel and then rush right back to set the next day.

As he entered, the first thing he did was take off his coat and his cap. In the middle of making himself some coffee, Howon noticed he wasn’t alone anymore.

“Hyung!” He nodded at the older man before he turned back to his coffee maker, trying to ready himself for the barrage of emotions headed his way.

“How’s filming going?” Sunggyu asked still sitting.

“Is that really what you came here to discuss?” Howon wondered, struggling not to be as defensive as he felt.

“I came to see how you were doing?”

“Bullshit.” Howon said, turning around to lean on the cabinet and stare down at his leader… not leader, anymore.

Sunggyu regarded him with calm and then tilted his head.

“How are you?”

“I’m alive, hyung.”

“How’s work?”

“Better than ever.” Howon said, crossing his arms across his chest to protect himself. “Why… why are you… what are you doing here?”

Sunggyu tapped his hand on the table and sat there, holding Howon’s gaze almost as if he knew that Howon was seconds away from breaking. Who was he kidding? Sunggyu knew him better than anyone in the world. If he’d come here, then he probably knew he could convince Howon to change his mind.

“I came here to… Here!” He said, pulling a file from the bag at his feet as he tossed it on the tiny, square island between them in the trailer.

Without sparing it a proper glance, Howon knew what it was. His contract.

“I came here to get you to sign it.”

“I don’t want to sign it.” Howon said, rubbing his hands along his arm and suddenly feeling cold for no reason.

“I understand that.”

“Are you going to force me?”

“I can’t force you to do anything.” Sunggyu said.

Now, that was just a blatant lie. Seven years together and all the members had learned that while Sunggyu almost always let them have their freedom, when he chose to put his foot down, it was law. Yeah, they were grown men now and they ought to know better. But this was Infinite. Howon knew Sunggyu didn’t play with Infinite. Not now. Not ever.

“I’m not planning to force you.”

“Yet you brought it here after I’d made my choice.”

“Explain your choice to me.”

“I don’t have to.” Howon said just as the coffee dinged behind him, startling him a little. “Infinite is not for me anymore.”

“Why?” Sunggyu asked.

“You know why.” He eyed Sunggyu. “I wasn’t happy there.”

“Are you happy now?”

“Well, I could be.”

Sunggyu laughed.

“We are a team. If everyone else is staying, you need to stay too.”

Howon paused.

“Everyone?” he asked.

“ _Everyone_.” Sunggyu said, still holding Howon’s eyes.

“Even Sungyeol?”

“His brother’s about to debut, he’s not going to walk away from Woollim now.” Sunggyu said.

“It doesn’t matter.” Howon said, turning to the coffee as he pulled out a mug. “I’ve made my decision. I can’t… I love you guys. I want what’s best for all of us but this isn’t for me. I can’t take the strain on my body and I don’t…” Howon said, stopping as a wave of hurt flowed through his body too heavy to hold himself up anymore. “I don’t want it.” He said, sniffing heavily as movement behind him alerted him to the fact that Sunggyu was now standing. “I don’t want to be selfish. I never wanted to be.” He could feel the tears falling from his eyes. “I gave up my childhood for this. I gave up a future in anything _else_ for this. I love Infinite. I love it so much it hurts. I can’t even imagine what… Oh my god!” He turned, stumbling into Sunggyu’s chest. “Inspirits are going to be so disappointed. What the hell?”

“Howon-” Sunggyu started to say, holding unto to Howon but Howon was already trying to break free.

“We promised Inspirits forever.” Howon said, quoting all the times they’d discussed contract year. “I lied to Inspirits.”

He lunged at the contract paper erratically as Sunggyu pushed it away and Howon looked back at him in shock. Nothing made sense. Here was his second chance. Seven more years. What the hell was seven more years if he got to spend it with Infinite? If he got to meet Inspirits? If he continued with a dream that cost him his family and his education. Howon was twenty six years old. He wasn’t a child anymore.

This was not the time to make large changes.

“What was I thinking, hyung?” Howon asked, eyes wide with terror. “I fought for this.” He said.

“Howon, I know what’s going through your mind. You’ve been working all day and you’re tired-”

“We work twenty-hour days, hyung. Filming is nothing compared to Infinite.” He snapped, his eyes never leaving the contract.

“You made your choice.” Sunggyu said.

“You came here to change my mind. It’s changed. I’ll re-sign with Woollim.”

“Not like this.” Sunggyu said, blocking his path. “This isn’t what I want. This isn’t what Infinite. It sure as hell isn’t what Inspirit wants.”

“Inspirit wants seven members.”

“Inspirit wants seven _happy_ members.”

“I can fake happiness, hyung. I can do it.”

“Listen to yourself!” Sunggyu raged. “You sound crazy!”

“I am crazy.” Howon agreed, pushing Sunggyu away and falling to the ground where he sat with his back to the wall of the trailer. “I really wanted to re-sign, hyung.” He said through tears as Sunggyu slowly sat beside him. “I thought about it. I even started dreaming about it for a while. It’s all that’s been on my mind. Half the time I’m on set, all I think about is Infinite.”

“Then why didn’t you sign?”

“Why did you?” He asked back.

“Because I didn’t want to break Infinite up.”

“Was that the only reason?”

“Because twenty year old me wanted this. I wanted to sing. Now, I can sing.”

“Well, teenage Howon wanted to dance. And he can’t dance like he used. He’s sick all the time, in and out of hospitals. He’s sitting in a chair watching his members cover for him because he can’t move. He can’t make music like he wants and if he does he has to credit someone else. Teenage Howon hurts… all the time, hyung!”

“I know.”

He looked up at Sunggyu as his hyung took his hands and began massage them in a bid to calm Howon down.

“It’s not easy for any of us.”

“I know that hyung.” Howon said. “Which is why I’ll sign the papers. Just give it to me.”

“No.” Sunggyu said, pulling Howon into a hug. “No. You won’t.”

“Why?” Howon asked, holding unto his hyung with all he had, still crying.

“Because we said we’d all choose? We were going to make the best choice for ourselves. I should never have tried to pressure you.”

“But I don’t want to be away from you guys. I don’t want to be away from Inspirits.”

“If you honestly believe Inspirits would abandon you then you never deserved them in the first place.”

Howon thought about it, struggling to believe it. He didn’t deserve such fans. Especially the ones who’d never even had a negative thought about him. But that didn’t mean he could expect that everyone would hate him.

This was for his happiness, wasn’t it? They’d want him to be happy.

“You’re not being selfish.” Sunggyu said.

“I’m thinking about myself.”

“Do you honestly think the members didn’t think about themselves before they re-signed?”

Sunggyu held him even tighter, leaning them on the wall again as Howon accepted the embrace.

“You have schedules in the morning.” Sunggyu kissed him on the head. “Get up. We’re going to bed.”

“Are you sleeping here?”

“My member is crying, Howon.” Sunggyu said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I didn’t re-sign.” Howon sniffed as he took Sunggyu’s hand and stood to his feet.

“Whether you re-signed or not… you’ll always be a part of Infinite to me.”


End file.
